Covert Abuse in Relationships
Betrayal trauma is devastating on its own—but for many betrayed partners, there’s a deeper, more disorienting layer they can’t name: covert abuse. In this eye-opening conversation, we explore how covert abuse operates beneath the surface of a relationship—often wrapped in kindness, plausible deniability, and social approval.
Our guest vulnerably shares her personal story of discovering the hidden abuse patterns that accompanied betrayal in her marriage, how she came to name them, and what she’s learned about reclaiming power, rebuilding trust in herself, and navigating confusing dynamics—even when the overt behaviors like addiction or infidelity have stopped.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who feels confused, dismissed, or unseen in their relationship.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
⏳ [04:00] – What covert abuse is and how it differs from overt abuse
⏳ [06:30] – Why covert abuse is so confusing—and often goes undetected for years
⏳ [10:15] – How gaslighting, image management, and passive aggression show up in betrayal recovery
⏳ [11:20] – The difference between emotional immaturity and covert control
⏳ [18:30] – Why even “sober” partners can still use passive forms of control
⏳ [26:00] – The role of body intuition and emotional awareness in identifying covert abuse
⏳ [39:50] – How therapists and helpers can unintentionally enable covert abuse
⏳ [47:00] – Steps betrayed partners can take to protect themselves, find support, and reclaim power
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review—we’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey!
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About Geoff Steurer:
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship educator, and coach with over 20 years of experience. I am the co-author of, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity", the host of the weekly podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and have produced workbooks, audio programs, and online courses helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, unwanted pornography use, partner betrayal trauma, and rebuilding broken trust. As a leader in the field, I am a frequent contributor on these subjects at national conferences, documentaries, blogs, magazines, and podcasts. I also write a weekly relationship advice column available on my blog. I founded and ran an outpatient sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery group program for over 14 years, co-founded and chaired a local conference to educate community members about harmful media, and founded and administered a specialized group therapy practice for over 10 years. I currently maintain a private counseling and coaching practice in beautiful Southern Utah where I live with my wife and children.
About Jody Steurer:
Jody has been a strong voice supporting women as co-host of the podcast “Speak Up Sister”. She completed a bachelor's degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA certified coach. She runs a small business and has years of experience in corporate training and organization. Jody’s most challenging work has been raising her four children (two of which are on the autism spectrum). She loves to do landscape design, paint in watercolor, spend time outdoors, and snow ski.
The advice offered through Geoff Steurer's podcasts is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Geoff Steurer is a trained psychotherapist, he is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these podcasts, but rather using his training to inform the content. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients, and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.
Episode 294
