Q&A with Geoff: How Can I Talk to My Son About My Concerns Without Pushing Him Away?

Question:

My son is going through some significant challenges. His wife has been hospitalized for depression and suicidal ideation. While we are all doing our best to support her, my son, and his three-year-old daughter, I’ve noticed behavior that concerns me. He has been spending increasing amounts of time with his 27-year-old single neighbor. I worry that this relationship might be meeting more than just emotional needs. I want to address my concern, but I fear he’ll see it as judgmental or intrusive. We have a good relationship, but he’s overwhelmed right now and not addressing his own issues. How do I proceed?

Answer:

This is a painful and complex moment for your family. Your son is trying to survive a storm that has hit his marriage, his parenthood, and likely his own sense of identity. You’re watching him try to hold it all together while showing up for a struggling spouse and a young child, and now you’re seeing signs that he may be looking for relief in ways that could create even more pain down the road.

Your concern makes sense. It’s not about assuming the worst, it’s about knowing how vulnerable people become when they’re overwhelmed, isolated, and emotionally exhausted. It’s about recognizing that a moment of comfort can blur into something else when there’s no one helping them stay anchored.

So how do you bring this up in a way that keeps connection intact?

Start by expressing your care for him. Let him know you see how much he’s going through. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot about how much pressure you’re under. I want you to know how much I care about you and your wellbeing. This has been such a hard time for everyone, and I can only imagine how much you’ve been holding inside.”

From there, gently share what you’ve observed. Keep your tone open and grounded. “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending time with the neighbor, and it’s made me wonder how you’re coping with everything. I don’t want to assume anything, but I know that when things are hard, we all look for something to help us feel better. I just want to make sure you’re finding comfort in ways that truly help, not create more strain for you and your family.”

Naming the concern doesn’t mean accusing. It means trusting that he’s capable of hearing the truth and making choices that reflect his values. You can express that stepping outside the marriage emotionally (even if it hasn’t become anything more) can add tension, especially when his wife is in such a vulnerable place. Her ability to heal may depend, in part, on knowing he’s committed to their marriage and not forming other attachments.

You can say something like, “I know you care about doing the right thing. If this marriage is going to survive, it needs your full attention. And if it’s not going to make it, I believe the healthiest thing is to finish one chapter before you start another. You deserve clarity and peace, and so does your daughter and your wife.”

Your message is about inviting him back to center. Not with guilt or fear, but with a reminder of who he is and what kind of man and father he wants to be. Even if the conversation is uncomfortable, it can be a lifeline. When someone is drifting, the most loving thing we can do is help them come home to themselves.